Thoughts on Friendship
Thoughts on Friendship
Freindship is the most beautiful, most powerful, and most valuabale treasure in life.
It is your true wealth. No matter how much status a person may gain or how rich one may become, a life without friends is indeed sad and lonely: it also leads to unbalanced, self-centred existence.
It’s important to understand that friensdhip depends on you, not on the other person. It all comes down to your own attitiude and contribution.
Don’t wait for the other to change
Our human relationships are like a mirror. So, if ypu are thinking to yourself “If only so-and-so were a little nicer to me, I could talk with them about anything - then that person is probably thinking “If only such-and-such would open up to me, I would be nicer to them”.
Therefore, you should make the first move to open the channles of communication. If despite these efforts you are still rebuffed, then the peson you shoulf feel sorry for is not yourself, but your friend.
The Buddhist scripture clearly reveal that Shakyamuni Buddha was a person who intitated dialogue with others.
Be like the sun
You need to be strong to initaite a dialogue. You must remember that experiencing rejection and disappointment is an inevitable part of life.
Be like the sun. For the sun shines on serenely even though not all the planets will reflect back its light, and even some of its brilliance seems to emanate only into empty space. You may find that those who reject the radiant light of your friendship will naturally fade out of your life. But the more you shine your light., the more brilliant your life will become.
No matter how other people are or what they do, it is important that you walk your own path, believing in yourself. If you remain constant and stay true to yourself, others will definitely come to understand your sincere intent one day.
The power of chanting
More importantly, you have the power of chanting behind you. I have heard many experiences in which people have recounted that they were victims of bullying, but after chanting sincere daimoku, they suddenly found one day that the bullying had ceased.
By chanting about your problems, you will find yourself quite naturally overcoming all hardships and sufferings, almost without your even being aware of it. When you look back later, you will clearly appreciate this fact.
Chanting for others
It is also important that you chant for your friends. This is a sign of true friendship.
You may have friends who are sick or who are struggling to cope with problems at home. Whatever the case may be, the best thing you can do is to chant foir them. Your prayers, like invisible radiowaves, will definitely reach them.
And when you chant, you should do that sincerely an honestly, following the feelings in your hert without restraint, just as a baby instinctively seeks its mother’s milk. There is no need to be stoically formal when you chant; there is no need for pretence.
If you are suffering, then take that suffering to the Gohonzon; if you feel sad, then take your sadness to the Gohonzon.
It is also im portant to chant for those people whom you may not like, or find hard to deal with, or feel resentful toward.
It maybe difficult - and perhaps even impossible for you to do so at first. But if you challenge yourself and chant for them, the wheel of chnage will defintely be set into motion. Either you will change or the other person will.
Either way, you will be able to open a path leading in a positive direction. Many people have experienced this firsthand. Most importantly, your your own transformation into a person able to chant for even those you harbour negative feelings toward - will become your greatest fortune.
Friendship through having the same goal
Sometimes your friends can have stronger influence over you than your parents or anyone else. So, if you make good friends - friends who are interested in improving and developing themselves - you will move in a positive direction as well.
Nothing is more beautiful than friendship developed among people challenging themselves and encouraging each other as they work toward the realisation of a common goal.
People of conviction, people who stand alone, people who pursue their chosen path - not only are such people good and trustworthy friends themselves, but they can make genuine friends of others.
Stand up independently
The bamboo groves of autumn are gorgeous. Each bamboo tree stands independently, growing stright and tall toward the sky. Yet, in the ground, out of sight, their roots are interconnected.
In the same way, true friendship is not a relatioship of dependence, but of independence. It is the enduring bond that connects self-relient individuals, comrades who share the same commitment, on a spiritual dimension.
Friendship is also determined by the way we live our life.
If you always remain sincere in your interactions with others, you will one day naturally come to find yourself surrounded by good friends.
And from among those people, Im sure you will forge lifelong friendships that are as strong and unshakable as a towering tree. Don’t be impatient. Please work first on developing yourself. Rest assured that an infinite number of wonderful encounters await you in the future.
Daisaku Ikeda
Discussions on Youth, published in Japanese in March 1999